


ghost of you

by yelenatasha



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clintasha - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Feelings, Feels, GOD they deserved better, Hurt, Hurt Clint Barton, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I miss clintasha, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Vormir, farm fam does not exist, title from a 5sos song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23976139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yelenatasha/pseuds/yelenatasha
Summary: There's something very personal between them. It always has been.Natasha and Clint through the years and how Endgame changed it all, somehow.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	ghost of you

Nat had always been there.  
Nat had been the one above it all, the one who had always knew what to do, what to say, how to survive.

Nat had saved them, saved him, from day to day.

Everyone had knew there was history between them, a history that has started a long time ago. No one knew exactly what it was, but it laid like unspoken words between them, not the bad type, the one that made you want more and in the same moment not because it seemed so intimate.

There had been something personal about New York when Loki came and brain-washed him, something personal when Shield had fell and she held so close to the arrow necklace, looking like it was the only thing to keep her from falling apart.  
Something personal when he had picked her up after her memories got all freshed up by the girl with the magic powers and something personal when they had stood on opposite sides, both not knowing what to do, both not wanting to hurt each other.

It was nothing personal when he hadn't been there when everything fell apart. She knew he couldn't. But a small part of her wished he would've been, to pick up the pieces of her after everything broke down.  
It felt too personal not having him there.

It felt wrong when she couldn't reach him. She trembled and tried again and again, not wanting to accept that there was the possibility of him being gone, too. She could feel he was still there. But calling him led to a dead end.

She flew out but he wasn't there anymore. Kate wasn't either and from only his things being absent she could tell what happened. He'd lost her. She sighed. She knew not to go after him, he needed time. She needed him, but she always put him before her. She went back to the headquarters and tried to hold everything back together, it was impossible to do, but she was the Black Widow and if there was one thing she was good at, it was doing impossible things.

Five years had passed and it felt personal in a bad way that he wasn't there. It hurt like hell but she could take it. Tony was back and so was Bruce and they figured something out to maybe finally change it all again for good and she knew she needed him here. For his own sanity and hers.

She flew out to find him. Tokyo it was and if it hadn't been that serious, she would've been laughing. He hadn't want to come back. She made him.

He was back and she had to keep all her feelings shut but it was almost impossible because looking at him hurt so badly but she needed him even more. It got personal again and between everything they loved again, there was no talking, only raw emotion and she hadn't expected it different and it felt good.

There finally was a plan and they needed the stones and she felt that something wasn't right but she had to do it anyways. She could tell he felt it too, but they hadn't talked about it. It probably was better that way.

They flew to Vormir and it was like Budapest all over again but in the same moment they'd gone a long way from there and God, she loved him. And he loved her and no matter what would've happen, it would never change.

They arrived and it was beautiful and sad and mysterious and then the skully creature who'd knew her dad's name told them that only one would survive this, a soul for a soul. And she knew it. It was faith or maybe just her sense of guilt.

He read her like an open book. He didn't agree. She knew. There were tears. One of them was going home. _Half a soul was going home._

They fought like lions. He jumped. And then, she jumped, too. Fear. She knew he knew what was about to happen. His eyes told her everything.

" _Nat."_

_"It's okay."_

_"Let me go."_

_"No, please no."_

_"I love you."_

A tear was streaming down her face. His own eyes were filled with them. She was shivering, shivering and scared, but it was gonna be okay. She was so scared. She didn't want to let go. But she had to. She couldn't live with losing him.

She smiled.

His tears fell on her hand.

His grip began to get weaker and she knew it was time. She pushed herself again the wall and he tried to hold her, but it was again. Her hand slipped out of his and she began to fall.

It felt scary and his screams made it a lot worse. She looked at him, scared. Tears streamed down his face and a little sob escaped her lips. She closed her eyes.

It was time.

He looked at her lifeless body, screaming, sobbing, crying. It felt so surreal. Not her. Everyone but God, not her.

He woke up in a lake, a shiny little stone in his palm. Her soul.

He cried out again.

She was gone. The love of his life was just gone.

And it hurt more than hell.

The rest seemed like a fever dream. Going back without her, going on without her, everything happening automatically. He didn't think, just fought, for her.

They redid it all.  
They came back, everyone but her.  
It was over. The battle was over and the pain set in, like knives and flames at the same time, like a half of his heart getting ripped out in tiny pieces.

He grieved. It hurt like hell. She was always there but never in the way he wanted her to be.

He knew she was at peace, with Tony, but his feelings weren't. It was overwhelming and breaking him. Healing takes time but he wasn't sure if the time would ever end.

She was still gone. And he was left.

_And I chase it down_   
_With a shot of truth_   
_That my feet don't dance_   
_Like they did with you._


End file.
